UPS Joke

Got this one from my dad a LONG time ago, haha


Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last..................
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

HAHAHA thats some funny chit

These atre not from UPS.


UPS aircraft don't have "Target Radar" (are they shooting at someone?) or "IFF"
(IFF= Identification Friend or Foe, what? they identifying USPS DHL or FedEx aircraft?)

AllanD said:

These atre not from UPS.


UPS aircraft don't have "Target Radar" (are they shooting at someone?) or "IFF"
(IFF= Identification Friend or Foe, what? they identifying USPS DHL or FedEx aircraft?)

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IFF is not uncommon, usually regular aircraft used for mass transportation or passengers internationally have those. They are marked though, so a confirmation is not needed.

And Target Radar is used by a lot of aircraft to determine distances, thats why they frown upon use of cell phones in aircraft, especially in the 90's


Its a joke, thats what its all about =)

Ranger Kip said:

And Target Radar is used by a lot of aircraft to determine distances, thats why they frown upon use of cell phones in aircraft, especially in the 90's

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My friend who has his pilot's license and used to be an air traffic controller said the reason that you can't use cell phones on airplanes is not an FAA restriction, it is an FCC mandate. I've never researched this myself, but I have no reason to doubt my friend.

The last one cracked me up real good.

It takes more than a highschool diploma to work on aircraft. It takes a license (or two) from the FAA. The usual path is a 2-year school. Even then, you are not allowed to sign off on any work that you haven't completed before, and had signed off on by another license holder. A real A&P qualified to do anything on a plane went through a hell of a lot more than the pilot that is flying it went through.

Yet when you are the pilot, YOU are responsible. So I think the ground crew respects that and would probably not be such wise asses, even though they might feel like writing those responses down.

hahahahaha thats funny!!

Even if those are all fake and made up.... they are still funny as hell

Ranger Kip said:

IFF is not uncommon, usually regular aircraft used for mass transportation or passengers internationally have those. They are marked though, so a confirmation is not needed.

And Target Radar is used by a lot of aircraft to determine distances, thats why they frown upon use of cell phones in aircraft, especially in the 90's


Its a joke, thats what its all about =)

Click to expand...

They have transponders that identify them to Air traffic control,
but IFF? not exactly.


"Target radar" as used in military combat aircraft is a lot different from the several types of radar for detecting, terrain, collision avoidance and altitude measuring that is BY-LAW installed on all commercial airliners in the US.

Frankly I think commercial aircraft should all be equipped with FLIR
(an infared optical system) because it completely changes the meaning of "minimums" while on approach in foul weather, but my personal lottery dream is a Beech KingAir200CGT equipped with FLIR.




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