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Old 11-19-2010, 05:26 PM   #1
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Default Now Problems at the Northern Border!

From The Manitoba Herald by Clive Runnels

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota . The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken.

When I said I didn't have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn't give any milk.


Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves." A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the '50s. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age" an official said.


Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies. "I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them." an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"
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Old 11-19-2010, 10:09 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by Mac View Post
"How many art-history majors does one country need?"
None, as far as I'm concerned.

A liberal-arts degree is useful as one thing only. Toilet paper. (please see the 'Wiping your ass' thread.)
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Old 11-19-2010, 11:36 PM   #3
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Default

now thats some funny stuff.
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Old 11-20-2010, 09:05 PM   #4
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Awesome. Wrapped in Bacon. Stuffed with Epic. Glazed with Win.

I love it.
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Old 11-21-2010, 12:19 AM   #5
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This is great!

almost better than bacon.

AJ
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Old 11-21-2010, 03:39 AM   #6
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Funny, but not the proper use of "eh". You're supposed to use it like you would use "hey" after making a statement, then turning it into a question.

"That's one fast Ranger, eh?"
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Old 11-21-2010, 09:53 PM   #7
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watch em close......rumor is---they're gonna refuse to drive on the
RIGHT side of the road once they reach a majority in Canada....
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Old 11-22-2010, 06:22 AM   #8
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Funny, but not the proper use of "eh". You're supposed to use it like you would use "hey" after making a statement, then turning it into a question.

"That's one fast Ranger, eh?"
I don't think I've ever heard someone say "Hey" after making a statement, in any context.



Great post though, hey?
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Old 11-22-2010, 10:04 AM   #9
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I don't think I've ever heard someone say "Hey" after making a statement, in any context.



Great post though, hey?
Well even if you've never heard it you did it right
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Old 11-22-2010, 03:36 PM   #10
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I love Canadian humour...

Why does it always tell me I've made a spelling mistake when I put a "u" in words...I thought I picked EST and Eastern Canada as my time zone...
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