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Old 06-03-2014, 09:59 PM   #771
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Lmfao. How could you not get that

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Old 06-03-2014, 11:00 PM   #772
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Haha...I think SenorNoob (that I have been reading as Senior Noob) was referring to Weezl's comment...as if it were a joke that he didn't get...

Anyway, a man walks into a bra and gets titfaced...
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Old 06-04-2014, 06:43 PM   #773
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Yes, Mark. That's exactly what I meant.
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Old 06-05-2014, 10:27 PM   #774
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A girl goes on a blind date. The blind date hadn’t been all that great, and she was relieved the evening was finally over. At her apartment door, her date suddenly said, “Hey! You wanna see my underwear?” Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn’t wearing any underwear. She glanced down and said, “Nice design – does it also come in men’s sizes?”
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Old 06-11-2014, 11:44 PM   #775
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A Scotsman went to Confession in St. MacGregor's Catholic Cathedral.

'Father', he confessed, 'its has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Kitty Green twice last month.'

The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'

Soon thereafter, another Scottish man entered the confessional. 'Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Kitty Green twice a week for the past two months.'

This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Kitty Green?'

'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.

'Very well,' sighed the priest.. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.

At mass the next Christmas morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, Voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary.


The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.

The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Kitty Green?'

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,

'No Father... I think it's just a reflection off her shoes'.
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Old 06-15-2014, 02:52 PM   #776
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*like*
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Old 06-16-2014, 09:23 PM   #777
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A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all
perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St.
Peter asks the first girl,

"Tammy, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" She giggles
and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip
of my finger."

St. Peter says,"Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and
pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question,
"Kelli, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"

The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and
stroked one."St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy
Water and pass through the gate."

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One
girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the
front, St. Peter says, "Paula ! What seems to be the rush ?"

The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."
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Old 06-19-2014, 03:33 AM   #778
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Meet Walter Barnes - All golfers should live so long as to become this kind of old man!




Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"




80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes.




"Mr. Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"




"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.




"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"




"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.




"Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"




The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply,

"I outlived all them assholes" - and he calmly returned to his seat.
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Old 06-25-2014, 02:03 AM   #779
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Chinese Sex.............

While in China , an American man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom the entire time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, “I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here in the US , we know very little about it.”
The man looks a little perplexed and says, “Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.”
The doctor answers, “I’m sorry, there's no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.”

The man screams in horror, “Absolutely not! I want a second opinion!!!”
The doctor replies, “Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want, but surgery is your only option.”

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease.
The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, “Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.”
The guy says to the doctor, “Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My American doctor wants to cut off my penis..!”

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. “Stupid American docttah, always want opawate. Make more money dat way. No need amputate..!”
“Oh, thank God..!” the man exclaims.
“Yes,” says the Chinese doctor. “Wait two week. Fall off by itself..!”
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Old 06-25-2014, 10:10 PM   #780
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